September 17th was a big day for Team McElmarino: KMc turned 40 and I finally graduated from occupational therapy (or “space camp” as Tim calls it). No more biweekly visits to the Munster dizziness clinic for me! Yes, the dizziness clinic is a real thing. I’m not making it up. Anyway, my therapist, Donna, thinks I’ve made enough progress and can now handle this vestibular disorder on my own. Jesus H. Baldheaded Christ, I hope she’s right. I mean, I’m really good at being a shit-show on my own, I don’t need any help from vertigo. It’s no joke, y’all. Being slightly off most of the time, a little bit dizzy some of the time, and basically unsteady the majority of the time has made me a cranky-ass bitch. And I was a bit cantankerous before all this mess, so you can imagine how difficult I can be now that I have a vestibular disorder to deal with. Fuck me. So what started very suddenly on my 40th birthday is now coming to a close on Kevin’s 40th birthday, hopefully never to return.
Needless to say, I did lots of pirouettes and somersaults all day long.
A great way to answer the rhetorical question, “It’s Friday already? Where did the week go?”
Two old fashioned summertime grill-outs. One night we had sausages & kraut at Travis’ and the other night we had burgers and Liquid Gold at our house. Both nights we watched scary-ass movies.
One sunset at the beach with KMc, Travis, Hank, and an unidentified drone.
Two rather uncomfortable Occupational Therapy sessions (Donna is so patient with me, but after witnessing a mild panic attack, I think she’s ready for me to be “better”)
Five disappointingly tiny tomatoes. This is when I realized we bought the wrong damn plant. I thought “Yellow Pear” meant big ol’ juicy fat yellow tomatoes. Not stupid little weeny salad tomatoes. Grrrr. I don’t like the little ones.
Two birthday celebrations: One at Three Floyds with a toddler, which turned out to be not so bad. And the employees at Three Floyds aren’t as mean and nasty as they used to be. FFF is actually a pleasant place to eat/drink again. Yay! The other in Michigan City at the Ritz Klub, which is a groovy little dive bar a few blocks from Shoreline Brewery. We took the train for Katy Bytnar’s birthday, which was a great time, even though a one of her friends is kinda douchy.
One nearly-interrupted sex act. Whoopsie!
Two celebrations (one at the Bird, the other at the Miller Bakery Cafe) of a completed dossier for Promotion and Tenure. FUCK YEAH! Dr. McElmurry, you are a bad-ass. Correction, you are Dr. bad-ass.
Four out of eight Weird Al Yankovic free video downloads! He is hilarious.
One fat & sassy groundhog who snacked on my garden and tormented my dog.
Three Lollapalooza bracelets arrived in the mail!
One absolutely giant pimple on my chin. This will certainly take over most of next week, as well.
Several variations of the St. Germain summer cocktail I’ve been trying out (St. Germain, vodka, La Croix, and ______ )
Three phone calls to my mom, one phone call to my dad, zero phone calls to my sister.
The details re. my 1st adventure as a 40 year old:
Labyrinthitis (sounds kinda groovy, right? As if David Bowie is going to pop out of nowhere and whisk me away to unicorn land? Not so much.) is similar to vertigo and sucks just as bad.
So last Thursday night, I celebrated my 40th with my Inner Circle and was pretty drunk by the time we arrived at the Bird. Two beers at 9% each, two or three white wine spritzers, and three or so shots (with no food) will kinda make me drunk on any given day. But not sloppy. Certainly not “I-need-to-be-carried-from-the-bar-and-babysat” drunk. But all of a sudden, while we were just sitting there talking shit and swapping lies, the room started spinning diagonally and horizontally at the same time. I’d never felt the spins while I was drinking, only after I was done drinking and had gone to bed.
I stumbled to the bathroom, hoping to throw up and continue drinking like any other respectable party girl would do. Nope. Every time I closed my eyes, I was totally fine; when I opened them, the entire room went crazy and I felt like I was on a roller coaster. And I don’t like roller coasters, not one. little. bit. So I threw up a bunch in the tiny trashcan next to the toilet (like a lady) and finally realized I wasn’t feeling any better and needed to go home. I must have looked like a total amateur as I stumbled from the bathroom to the table to grab Kevin and out the door. But whatev, everyone knows I like to party. *cue Macklemore…”You like to party? I’m a partier!”*
After KMc dropped me off at home and I spent 20 minutes sitting in the bathtub, puking on myself, I finally put myself to bed. Like I said, everything was fine when my eyes were closed, so I just fell asleep with no problems. But the next morning (Friday), I woke up & opened my eyes to find everything STILL spinning like crazy. WTF?? Who wakes up the next morning still spinning?!? I was pissed because I knew we wouldn’t leave for our Valentine weekend in Saugatuck by noon like I planned. All I wanted to do was sit in a hot tub in Michigan with a bottle of Champagne, damnit!
Anyway, I puked all day Friday and knew that I was experiencing more than just a simple hangover. By Saturday, I wasn’t puking anymore but everything was still spinning. On Sunday, I went to acupuncture to see if that would help. Nope. So yesterday I went to the doc, who told me I have Labyrinthitis…caused by that nasty bout of bronchitis I had last month. My respiratory symptoms had subsided, but my left ear never cleared all the way. I thought it was just an annoyance to hear the popping and ringing in my ear for 5 weeks. I had no idea it would turn into my 2nd worst birthday ever (the first being my 30th, when I ended up in the ER due to a migraine that somehow subjugated all my prescriptions).
So now I’m medicating with vertigo pills, decongestants and ear drops, along with yoga and acupuncture, and I’m starting to see some progress. Case in point, I can stare at the computer screen long enough to type this blog entry…a small but satisfying victory.
It should clear up within 7-10 days and probably won’t come back since it was caused by symptoms of bronchitis instead of an inner ear disorder, like my mom has. Basically that means I can’t drive, don’t really want to drink (*shocking*), and have to miss a few things for work, which blows because A) I really like my job and B) I’m brand new, so they probably think I’m feeble or a slacker.
Note to self: if your ear is full of fluid, it’s not a mere annoyance…get it checked out.
2nd note to self: stay home for the 50th birthday. Lock the doors and close the blinds. Sit quietly until the next day.
Cooking with Vertigo 